can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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