...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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