There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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