i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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