Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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