guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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