He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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