So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
