Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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