First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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