just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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