The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
