I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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