we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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