is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
