Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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