You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You are a genius and a whore.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
