my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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