in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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