I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
