Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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