just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize