i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
