We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
