I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
