One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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