The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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