There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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