I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
