my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
