I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
