Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
