and she was petting her beer can
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He has the fingertips of a God
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