Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
