Little spoons don't ask big questions
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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