he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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