Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
