I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
