He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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