you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he thought i was a dude.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
