i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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