so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
