Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My ass is underappreciated
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
