yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize