He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
