now i know why i became what i already was.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
