Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
