I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
