So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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