hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
