It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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