make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
