I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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