he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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