Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
