Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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