Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
