Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
