I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
