My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
