It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
