Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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