College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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